Surviving in a bad economy...The Bald Guy Way

How many times have you said "No, I'm sorry, I can't afford it!"
Well, my friends, apologize no more!
I'm here to tell you how you can save money and time, THE BALD GUY WAY!

Don't you hate it when you're brushing or combing your hair and "SNAP" that flimsy old brush or comb just breaks right in two? Well, with the BALD GUY WAY, your days of brushing and combing are a thing of the past!

Shampoo? Mousse? Cream Rinse? Conditioner? De-tangler? I could go on and on...but guess what? I don't have to, because with the BALD GUY WAY you'll never have to use those wasteful products ever again!

How do I know so much about the BALD GUY WAY? Well, not only am I the BALD GUY WAY Spokesman, but I'm the BALD GUY who invented the BALD GUY WAY!

Think of all that dirty hair....YUCK! You try scrubbing it out and soaking it out and still it can be sticky, stinky and hard-to-manage. With the BALD GUY WAY'S patented BALD method, you'll barely ever have to get your head wet ever again!

Say goodbye to that old cluttered comb and brush drawer! Think of the space you'll save without having to clutter up your bathroom cabinets with all those curling irons and blow dryers and other useless gadgets. You'll save so much space that maybe now Dad can build that workshop he's always dreamed of!

Here are some of the savings you could see in just your first year as "A BALD GUY":

Shampoo retails at an average price of $3.50 a bottle. If you were to use one bottle a month, that's $42.00 a year! HOLY COW!
Conditioner retails at an average price of $3.00 a bottle. If you were to use one bottle a month that's $36.00 a year! MAN OH MAN! THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY!
Add to that, the cost of some fancy-shmancy blow dryer for $25.00 and a curling iron for $19.99 plus a set of hot rollers for $39.99...That's another $84.98! EIGHTY-FOUR NINETY-EIGHT!
Can you believe it?
And brushes, combs, hair clips, Don't get me started! You've already wasted $162.98 on gadgets and cleaning supplies just for your hair!

Oh, and don't forget hair cuts and stylists too! The average haircut in the United States is $15.00 which makes a total of ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY DOLLARS A YEAR!!! IN-CRED-A-BULL!

Congratulations BUCK-O, you just blew $342.98 on your silly freakin' hair!!! Wonder if Obama has a stimulus package for you? Where did all that money go? Ask your stylist cause they swept up a big-old-part of it, right off of their floor. And you Paid them For It!!! And the rest of it? Where did it go? Right down the drain with the water that you pay to use!!!

So, you can see, that the BALD GUY method is an effective tool for saving time as well as money.
What are you waiting for? Get off that couch and try the BALD GUY WAY.....TODAY!


*the bald guy way is a patented method of baldness and may not be be for everyone. the bald guy way is not available in Colorado, Alaska or Puerto Rico.

Pumpkin Butt

From time to time I'll use this blog to comment on various forms of media and entertainment, and those of you who read what I write can vouch for the fact that some of my favorite sources of commentary are books.

It was about a year ago that I was taken to task by the author of that classic work of fiction "Thong on Fire" for judging his book by it's cover. Well, DUH! With a title like "Thong on Fire," it's an open invitation to critique the book even without delving into the pulpy pages within. To be fair, after reading bits and pieces of the book (at the author's insistence), I found it to be amazingly well-written, albeit crap...but well-written crap.

Which brings us to today's near-brilliant tome, "Enchanted Again" by Nancy Madore. The following is the product description from Amazon.com:

Product Description
Following the overwhelming success of Enchanted, author Nancy Madore has responded to her fans' pleas for a follow-up with a brilliant second collection—this time comprised of superbly sensual, delightfully debauched and decidedly darker modern-day interpretations of classic nursery rhymes.

Meet Dan, the handyman whose toolbox is full of surprises…Georgie Porgie, no longer the boy who's content with only kissing girls…Jessica, who, torn between two men, may be lured into the wrong web…Peter, whose wife's wandering eye arouses his libido… As well as an interesting assortment of characters who will entertain and arouse the adult in you…

Okay then....whew.... makes me want to do nothing more than NOT READ THIS BOOK! In fact, I can think of nothing more I'd like to do than NOT READ THIS BOOK! If you read the customer reviews on Amazon, they all seem to really, really like this book, and to those people I offer this advice... GET A LIFE!

The one thing I can recommend about this book is the wonderful cover art which features a picture of a woman with a pumpkin growing out of her butt. Hence, the nickname "Pumpkin Butt." Since I first spotted this book on the shelves at Barnes and Noble, I've grown to love accidentally finding this title around the store and then commenting on "Pumpkin Butt" and making catchy tag-lines for it like "You'd be out of your gourd to not love Pumpkin Butt," or "Her Husband was a vegetable and she was Pumpkin Butt." You know, silly, stupid stuff...

Needless to say, I will most assuredly never read "Enchanted Again" by Nancy Madore...even if she writes to me to say that I should. I do have one question for her though.... "Why's that lady got a punkin' growin' outta her butt?"

-David