Entering a "Treatment Program"

Yes, it is true... I'm entering a treatment program. I have decided that for too long I have suffered in semi-silence with the growing, debilitating disease that is gnawing away inside of me.

A few friends have noticed my problem over the years and have said that they wanted to stage an intervention. I asked them "Don't you remember all the fun times we had?" "Don't you remember all the laughs?" They stared at me, stone-faced and replied "NO...."

So as of 9 AM tomorrow morning, I will be committing myself to a 30 day Joke treatment center. I, David Cox...am a Jokaholic! There, I said it! I feel better already! I can resist the temptation to tell the joke about the guy who is having a mad passionate affair with his Boss's Wife and in the middle of the throes of passion she says "Kiss Me, Kiss me," to which he responds "Kiss you? I shouldn't even be doing this!!!"

See, before today, I would have just told that joke...but now I can resist the temptation to just Blurt out silly and semi-offensive jokes.

I guess what prompted me to seek help was an email I got in response to my last Blog posting, where I made an off-color joke about a laptop. I apologized and yet was criticized for making fun of treatment programs.

I mean, if it worked for Mel Gibson and Michael Richards (well, I guess he has yet to enroll in treatment, although he is seeking advice from Mental Health Experts Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.) It can work for me too...

Really, if it worked for Robert Downey, Jr. it can work for me!

I spoke to my friend, Gail about my humor problem and she seems sympathetic....(but I think she's lying!)

Oh well, in case I don't get a chance to blog from the "clinic" I wish you all the best this Christmas season. OH CRAP! I can't call it Christmas anymore! It's the HOLIDAY SEASON...

Christmas is too politically incorrect! Maybe the Doctors can help me with that too...


David

Thanksgiving....and all of that stuffing

Had a pretty good day yesterday overall...

I ate Turkey, Mashed potatoes, dressing, corn casserole, broccoli-rice & cheese, hot rolls and caramel apple pie. Needless to say, I'm still stuffed today! Went to downtown Kansas City for the Plaza Lighting and then went home and watched the KC Chiefs beat the Denver Broncos! Go CHIEFS!!! So, it was a very typical Kansas City Holiday.

Today I did some online shopping and got that out of the way...and now I have to start thinking about my Wife's Birthday which is about 2 weeks away... Uh-Oh! What to buy? I saw a commercial yesterday where a guy was buying his Wife a $1,200 dollar ring for Christmas... okay, realistically, how many people do you know who will (or can) do that sort of thing for Christmas? I'd love to, but puh-leeze! I'm thinking CD's and Perfume...or maybe a blouse or something!

Christmas is pretty easy at our house...Dustin is at the age where he just wants money and gift cards, and Jared wants Sports stuff....so, that's easy to do. Sherry's not really all that picky about stuff, so she's good too (she's a clothes person)... and Luke just wants chew toys, tennis balls and stuff you can eat!

I want a shop vac, an air compressor (just a cheap one, thanks!) and DVD's of "The Office." Other than that, I could use some jeans... movies and tools...that's me...

Hope you all had a great day yesterday...other than the kids bickering...it was a good day!

Dave

Thanksgiving in the land of Turkeys

On Friday we had Thanksgiving Lunch at the Elementary School. Jared (who is six-years-old) had just finished a stunning performance of the "Turkey Woogie" (it's kind of like a boogie and it goes like this....) And the classic "Turkey Tango," (which may have been the best and only performance I've ever seen of it). So, we sat down to eat Turkey (what else?) Ham (Turkey's distant cousin) mashed potatoes (curtesy of our friend, Karen... Good Job, Karen! oh, and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that she cooked the turkey too!)

My Wife provided COOOOOOOOOL Whip (as my dear old Grandma used to call it) and butter, and I provided a healthy appetite. Jared, on the other hand, ate one tiny bite of pumpkin pie, and 3 dinner rolls.

How can you convince a kid who doesn't eat anything, that he's missing out on nearly everything? Especially at Thanksgiving??? How can you not be hungry smelling all of that great food? This is something that I'm left to ponder...

On the other foot, the Christmas crowds are starting to crowd into our local bookstore (where I work, as does Karen, she of Turkey and Potato fame) Karen's Husband is Vic, who is my partner in crime in Cub Scouts. (let me rephrase that as not to imply that any criminal activity is occurring between Vic, myself and the Cub Scouts....) We co-lead them, but in all actuality it is Vic who does most of the leading since I can only be there two out of four meetings per month due to my other job at the LIBERRRY.

Vic, Karen, Sherry and I also briefly shared joint custody of a lovely little dog that we found that Jared named Ginger (most likely because I once had a dog with the same name) but who is now named Lucy since she has moved in with Vic and Karen. (We gave her to them since we already have that darling little Fur Covered Freight Train named LUKE.)

So....long story long... we didn't need another dog and they wanted one, and she is, might I say with the exception of Luke, "THE BESTEST DOG ON THE ENTIRE PLANET!" She's trained (house and trick-wise too) and she's very, very sweet.

That was our good deed for the month...saving a starving dog and finding her a good home. (Pat on the back time). It had to be done and I wouldn't have done it any other way. How could anyone let a wonderful pet like that go and just let her starve? Some people should not be allowed to have pets...or kids...

Which brings me to my next rambling... WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU CAMP OUT FOR A NINTENDO OR A PLAYSTATION IN FREEZING WEATHER AND BRING ALONG YOUR 3-YEAR-OLD CHILD? There were several kids camping out for the overpriced, overhyped freezing extravaganza! What MORONS!!! I hope the paycheck and frostbite were worth it!!!

Someone asked me yesterday if I was ready for Christmas... ha.... maybe in about 13 months I will be...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING YOU TURKEYS!!!

David

1st Post Election Blog and I've nothing to say...

Okay, so the Republicans lost...big deal! I'll miss Talent in the Senate and would have preferred that he lost to almost anyone other than Claire, but you know what? As Shakespeare once said "It ain't the end of the world."

So we took a few hits...whatever doesn't kill us will make us stronger, right? I'm miffed about the Stem Cell initiative, because if people had even bothered to read it they never would have voted for it! "Vote for a Cure" is what they were told... or should I say, "Sold?"

It's time for the Democrats to put up or shut up... Can they do a better job? I hope so... We'll see...

On to more fun things! Basketball season is here! Yea! Both of the kids have started practicing and I'm looking forward to some games!

We went to a KC Chiefs event this past Tuesday for Cub Scouts that turned out to be not-all-that-great. It was crowded...way too crowded! We were told to have one parent per Scout, not one seven-member-family per Scout...which meant that while our Scouts were waiting in line to complete various tasks for a merit badge, someone's 3-year-old brother was taking a turn!
Jared seemed to enjoy the tasks, but waiting in line for 25 minutes several times in one night is not my idea of a good time!

Christmas is almost here and as is usually the case, I am broke! We were doing okay until car trouble, washing machine trouble, car trouble and car trouble occurred. Whoopee!
So anyway, I'm hoping things iron out soon!

Enough depressing stuff.... Until next time...

David

I know, I know....

Again I hadn't planned on mentioning politics... but I will touch on it briefly... Anyone who doesn't believe in Liberal Bias in the Kansas City Star should look no further than Sunday's(11/5/2006) paper.

Again (see 2004 election endorsements) the Star has gone 98% for Democratic candidates!

Maybe I'm missing something here, or maybe I'm biased...but where is the logic that one political party is the "best" in every category? It isn't possible!!! If that were true, than the general public would see it and the Democrats would win every election...right?

How can it be that the party that held the Senate and the House for over 40 years and still manage to accomplish next to nothing is the #1, totally without a doubt, best overall crowd of candidates that there are?

As someone who has watched the Republican party wobble, buckle and bend these past two years, I am somewhat disappointed in how my "group" (you know, the 2%) have fallen. Part of that is due to the constant clawing, digging and biting that the Democrats are doing.

Do the Republicans have all the answers? Obviously not, but for all of the Democrat's griping, I have yet to see (or hear) one of them come up with a better plan for anything.

Does that mean that I think all of the Democrats are wrong? No... but the Howard Deans and Ted Kennedy's that the party has propped up as it's figureheads are the worst possible choices to lead that party. That is why O'bama looks so good to so many people. He's new, he's young, he's scandal-free! (when is the last time you could say that about any politician?)

We'll see how Tuesday goes... I think that the Republicans will lose a few and take a few hits here and there...but it's wayyyyyyy too premature for the Democrats to start celebrating.
I think we may yet here Howard Dean's cry on Wednesday morning..... "YAAAAAGGGGGHHH!" And that isn't a good sound for the Democrats...


David

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I'm trying to avoid any political comments in this entry, although I will say that I think the Republicans need to send John Kerry a thank you note, much in the way that the Democrats should for Mr. Foley... nuff said?

This has been a horrible week! The washing machine is dying...we may have termites...and Jared pitched a rock through the back window of our van. (The reason I say pitched is that the day before he had pitched 8 perfect strikes from the "big kid's line" at the Church carnival.) He pitched so well that the little league coach who was manning the booth said that even though he coaches 9 and 10 year olds, Jared could come play for him. (nice compliment, but it didn't pay for the window....)

So, how about those Cardinals? Good job! A Missouri team wins! Next year, the Royals!!!

I should also say Thank you to God and Pastor Daniel and Pastor Fred because they are working hard to make my life a lot better. Not that it is bad, but they're working to make things better for all of us. My family, and our community are better for knowing them.

Halloween was fun but cold. Dustin was some sort of rock star/underworld guy and Jared was a Hip Hop Rappin' Dude. Pretty simple outfits, but they got a lot of positive comments. (and way too much candy!)

I'm ready to celebrate the Birth of Christ, but not ready for all of the hustle and hassle that the Holiday brings. I'm going to try to take a few minutes every day to remember what we are celebrating! You should as well...it might make you feel better and take some of the pressure off!

Have a good weekend,

David