Got up this morning and went to Arrowhead Stadium with my Sons, Dustin and Jared... Had a Chiefs mini-camp practice session to see. Got to see Trent Green, Tony, Dante and the boys play. My Jared, was excited to see Jared Allen (who he met a couple of months ago)...and we got to meet Larry Johnson... Was a good day, and the team looked great!
Tonight I worked with my old buddies, Mel and Mary at B&N....( I worked with several other good buddies, but Mary and Mel and I always work best together and have a lot of fun coming up with dumb jokes and puns...)
I managed to come up with the following: As I was shelving a Dutch/English Dictionary, I told Mel I'd like to buy it, did she want to go in half on the price? (get it? If you don't I pity you...)
Mary was telling me about the tacky Magazine and Smoke shop near her friend's house called "Mags and Fags," so I ask her if the other stores ever form a gang and beat up that store.
I asked Mel where to shelve a book about "How to live with a controlling man who bosses you around" and then I handed it to her and told her to "Just shut up and shelve it..." She laughed, it's all good...
Dave
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
The Legend of Big Poop
As I recall it was a Friday night the first time that Big Poop made an appearance at the Store. (You know the store...It's that big bookstore chain with the initials B&N). I had just finished taking my break with my old pal, Scott...When nature called.
I walked from the breakroom to the men's room and as soon as I entered the restroom, a foul odor wafted up towards my nostrils. Now, as a Scout Leader who has done some time at Scout Camp, you never really ever forget your first whiff of campground latrine...But this, my friend, was much, much worse!
I approached the stall with trepidation. "What if there was a decomposing body in there?" I thought. I crept slowly across the room, catching a glance of myself in the mirrors above the sink. I looked pale in the fluorescent light of the Men's Room...or was I just scared?
Quietly and cautiously I opened the stall door a few inches at a time. There it was, lying in the toilet, taking up a lot of space, displacing most of the water...heck, sticking three whole inches out of the water! But, what was it? A human head? It was kind of close in size to a human head. A Fisher-Price Schoolbus? No, toy schoolbuses weren't that big. A Football? No, it wasn't the right shape. A Loaf of bread? Nope, but it was a loaf of something...
It was the dung of the legendary "BIG POOP." I ran to the breakroom not sure if I should laugh or gag. Scott was just finishing his break when I dashed through the door. "Man," I said..."I know you just finished eating, but you've got to come see this!"
"What is it?" He asked innocently, not knowing that in a very few minutes his life would be changed forever. I asked "Scott, do you have a weak stomach?" He answered "No, I'm good, what have you got?" "You tell me..." I answered.
Scott threw open the stall door. "What the heck is that?" He asked, leaning over the stool. "Is it what I think it is?"
"I think so..." I answered. "But what could have done it?"
"Big foot?" He asked.
"Maybe." I answered.
We went and got Jeremy to see if he could verify what it was. "Oh Man!" Jeremy said. "That is so foul!" And then he walked away. Never to return.
We told the Manager, who looked at us with doubt on her face. "Can you flush it?" She asked.
"I don't think so..." I said.
We tried to flush it several times. The water would fill up around the poop, but it wouldn't budge. "Maybe we could break it up with something." Scott suggested. "What," I asked, "Dynamite? Maybe if we keep flushing, it will erode."
Finally, I happened upon the broken handle of a plunger. "This might do it," I said and I began to chip away at it. The smell was overpowering as I chopped the concrete-block sized dookey down to hundreds of floating nuggets. After four flushes all that remained were a few tell-tale smudges and one tired employee.
It was on that night four years ago, that we first found the Big Poop. Now, every Wednesday night with stunning regularity, we still find big poop in the men's room. We think we know who its creator is. A man that we call "The Poop Fairy." To this day he continues to leave us U-Boats (because they start at the bottom of the bowl, and still manage to break the surface) in the toilet of stall number #1. The sight of many unspeakable horrors.
Legend has it, that if you visit between 5PM and 10PM on a Wednesday night...you too might see Big Poop...the stuff that legends are made of.
David
(Unfortunately the events listed above are all true. Names have not been changed because no one mentioned is really all that innocent...)
I walked from the breakroom to the men's room and as soon as I entered the restroom, a foul odor wafted up towards my nostrils. Now, as a Scout Leader who has done some time at Scout Camp, you never really ever forget your first whiff of campground latrine...But this, my friend, was much, much worse!
I approached the stall with trepidation. "What if there was a decomposing body in there?" I thought. I crept slowly across the room, catching a glance of myself in the mirrors above the sink. I looked pale in the fluorescent light of the Men's Room...or was I just scared?
Quietly and cautiously I opened the stall door a few inches at a time. There it was, lying in the toilet, taking up a lot of space, displacing most of the water...heck, sticking three whole inches out of the water! But, what was it? A human head? It was kind of close in size to a human head. A Fisher-Price Schoolbus? No, toy schoolbuses weren't that big. A Football? No, it wasn't the right shape. A Loaf of bread? Nope, but it was a loaf of something...
It was the dung of the legendary "BIG POOP." I ran to the breakroom not sure if I should laugh or gag. Scott was just finishing his break when I dashed through the door. "Man," I said..."I know you just finished eating, but you've got to come see this!"
"What is it?" He asked innocently, not knowing that in a very few minutes his life would be changed forever. I asked "Scott, do you have a weak stomach?" He answered "No, I'm good, what have you got?" "You tell me..." I answered.
Scott threw open the stall door. "What the heck is that?" He asked, leaning over the stool. "Is it what I think it is?"
"I think so..." I answered. "But what could have done it?"
"Big foot?" He asked.
"Maybe." I answered.
We went and got Jeremy to see if he could verify what it was. "Oh Man!" Jeremy said. "That is so foul!" And then he walked away. Never to return.
We told the Manager, who looked at us with doubt on her face. "Can you flush it?" She asked.
"I don't think so..." I said.
We tried to flush it several times. The water would fill up around the poop, but it wouldn't budge. "Maybe we could break it up with something." Scott suggested. "What," I asked, "Dynamite? Maybe if we keep flushing, it will erode."
Finally, I happened upon the broken handle of a plunger. "This might do it," I said and I began to chip away at it. The smell was overpowering as I chopped the concrete-block sized dookey down to hundreds of floating nuggets. After four flushes all that remained were a few tell-tale smudges and one tired employee.
It was on that night four years ago, that we first found the Big Poop. Now, every Wednesday night with stunning regularity, we still find big poop in the men's room. We think we know who its creator is. A man that we call "The Poop Fairy." To this day he continues to leave us U-Boats (because they start at the bottom of the bowl, and still manage to break the surface) in the toilet of stall number #1. The sight of many unspeakable horrors.
Legend has it, that if you visit between 5PM and 10PM on a Wednesday night...you too might see Big Poop...the stuff that legends are made of.
David
(Unfortunately the events listed above are all true. Names have not been changed because no one mentioned is really all that innocent...)
Monday, May 08, 2006
Stoopid things I done did... I did done... Whatever
I know, you're thinking..."Dave did something stupid? How absurd? It's not possible! It's unthinkable! It's unimaginable!"
Yes, it's true...I have done dumb, dumb, dumb things. Many times...sometimes even in the same day! Stop your gasping, and get a grip, will you? It is true! And the following things are some stupid acts that I have perpetrated while on this planet.
1. Broke my fingers trying to fix my neighbor's car. How did I do this? I got my fingers caught in the fanbelt of my neighbor's car when she accidentally started it while I was attempting to get ice off of her fanbelt. Why was I trying to fix her car when I was 14 and new NOTHING about fixing cars? The better question is how the devil did she get ice INSIDE her ENGINE???
2. Cut my legs up a bit while tightrope walking on a barbed wire fence. I think the answer is evident already as to what happened there.
3. Went bike riding barefoot down one of the biggest hills in Strafford, Missouri. You know that didn't turn out well. I still have pictures of myself disguised as a giant scab. I had a scab on my forehead the size of a baseball; one on my chin, one on each hand and both knees, and one on each of my elbows...(where I still have the scars). Guess what? When you're going 40 MPH on a bike with no shoes on....there's only one way to stop...by landing on the pavement...
4. Sledded off of a cliff. This one was much more exciting, because blood on snow looks really gross! I was sledding with a friend down my neighbor's tall, winding driveway...he fell off, which propelled the sled forward and made me lose control. The tree slowed me down a bit, but that was after I had flown about 8 feet through the air. Then there was the 10 foot drop to the rocks below. Concussion and bloody nose followed, along with a very banged up knee.
5. Jumped off the roof into a shrub. Darn you Six-Million-Dollar-Man! You gave a 10 year old boy false hopes and expectations!!! I hope your bionic woman shorted-out, you twit!
Whew! That's a load off of my mind and my chest! To think that I had all of these dopey things on my conscience since I was a kid! I'm so glad I haven't done anything dumb since then.
David
Yes, it's true...I have done dumb, dumb, dumb things. Many times...sometimes even in the same day! Stop your gasping, and get a grip, will you? It is true! And the following things are some stupid acts that I have perpetrated while on this planet.
1. Broke my fingers trying to fix my neighbor's car. How did I do this? I got my fingers caught in the fanbelt of my neighbor's car when she accidentally started it while I was attempting to get ice off of her fanbelt. Why was I trying to fix her car when I was 14 and new NOTHING about fixing cars? The better question is how the devil did she get ice INSIDE her ENGINE???
2. Cut my legs up a bit while tightrope walking on a barbed wire fence. I think the answer is evident already as to what happened there.
3. Went bike riding barefoot down one of the biggest hills in Strafford, Missouri. You know that didn't turn out well. I still have pictures of myself disguised as a giant scab. I had a scab on my forehead the size of a baseball; one on my chin, one on each hand and both knees, and one on each of my elbows...(where I still have the scars). Guess what? When you're going 40 MPH on a bike with no shoes on....there's only one way to stop...by landing on the pavement...
4. Sledded off of a cliff. This one was much more exciting, because blood on snow looks really gross! I was sledding with a friend down my neighbor's tall, winding driveway...he fell off, which propelled the sled forward and made me lose control. The tree slowed me down a bit, but that was after I had flown about 8 feet through the air. Then there was the 10 foot drop to the rocks below. Concussion and bloody nose followed, along with a very banged up knee.
5. Jumped off the roof into a shrub. Darn you Six-Million-Dollar-Man! You gave a 10 year old boy false hopes and expectations!!! I hope your bionic woman shorted-out, you twit!
Whew! That's a load off of my mind and my chest! To think that I had all of these dopey things on my conscience since I was a kid! I'm so glad I haven't done anything dumb since then.
David
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Another one I moved over from the old blog...
Let the Music be your time machine...
By DavidCox
It's funny how you can be driving on a jam-packed highway filled with the biggest idiots and wanna-be Nascar champs, and some old song will start to play on the radio, and suddenly, you're back in time, and the moment of that song will be as real to you as if it were yesterday.
I can't think of any Lionel Ritchie song without thinking of my 8th grade year. My Mom let me have a boy/girl party in the basement and we all danced under black lights while Lionel sang "Once, twice, three times a lady..." My best Friend, Jeff Fleetwood had just broken up with a girl and he just about lost it... I remember trying to cheer him up and not ignore my girlfriend at the same time...
I was listening to Christian radio yesterday in the car, when a blue Mazda plowed into the rear of the white delivery van next to me...it was unnerving, but Chris Tomlin was singing "How great is our God" on the radio, and I was singing along, thinking about a church service in the park that we had gone to last summer.
"Summer Winds" by Frank Sinatra makes me think of living back home in Strafford, Missouri... There was one summer that I was thinking of being a film director, and I videotaped everything and anything, including a piece that was basically a windy summer day with that song playing, while the tall grass in the field outside my window blew, and our horses ate blackberries off the vine while my dogs, Ginger and Bear sprawled out on the lawn. I get sentimental just thinking about it...I'm glad I still have it on tape.
There are so many songs...."Hold onto the nights" by Richard Marx, is the song that was playing in the car the night that Sherry and I had our first date. For years I played it on our anniversary and it was even in our wedding. I'll have to remember to play that for her this year...it really takes me back...
David
By DavidCox
It's funny how you can be driving on a jam-packed highway filled with the biggest idiots and wanna-be Nascar champs, and some old song will start to play on the radio, and suddenly, you're back in time, and the moment of that song will be as real to you as if it were yesterday.
I can't think of any Lionel Ritchie song without thinking of my 8th grade year. My Mom let me have a boy/girl party in the basement and we all danced under black lights while Lionel sang "Once, twice, three times a lady..." My best Friend, Jeff Fleetwood had just broken up with a girl and he just about lost it... I remember trying to cheer him up and not ignore my girlfriend at the same time...
I was listening to Christian radio yesterday in the car, when a blue Mazda plowed into the rear of the white delivery van next to me...it was unnerving, but Chris Tomlin was singing "How great is our God" on the radio, and I was singing along, thinking about a church service in the park that we had gone to last summer.
"Summer Winds" by Frank Sinatra makes me think of living back home in Strafford, Missouri... There was one summer that I was thinking of being a film director, and I videotaped everything and anything, including a piece that was basically a windy summer day with that song playing, while the tall grass in the field outside my window blew, and our horses ate blackberries off the vine while my dogs, Ginger and Bear sprawled out on the lawn. I get sentimental just thinking about it...I'm glad I still have it on tape.
There are so many songs...."Hold onto the nights" by Richard Marx, is the song that was playing in the car the night that Sherry and I had our first date. For years I played it on our anniversary and it was even in our wedding. I'll have to remember to play that for her this year...it really takes me back...
David
Neighborhood Watch
This past Sunday, our Preacher gave an amazing (as usual) sermon regarding "community" and how important it is. He used Neighborhood watch as an example of how we should all look out for each other.
He also mentioned that there are times we should come together as a community to support one another and to help other people see in places where they might have a "blind spot." There are times when I rely so much on Sherry that I don't think I could ever get through an entire day without her.
His point was that we should rely on God, as well as one another to help get through each and every day. He explained that you need someone to "watch your back" in times of trouble and also in times of peace. We should all try to be sympathetic and loving towards our friends and our family, so that if someone needs us, we're already there!
You know that there is someone out there that you've been meaning to write, or call, or go see...and maybe you're busy, or you've been "meaning" to do it, but that begs the question...
Have you?
I'm just as guilty of this as anyone, and I'm not trying to preach...(I'll leave that to those who are smarter than I). But to borrow a slogan from NIKE... Just do it! We need friends...we need family...we need each other. You know God didn't make us to be alone...
Thank you, Pastor Fred (www.esbc.com is where you can listen to his sermon on this topic).
For making me think about my friends and my family...my community as it were...
I hope to hear from some of you soon...
David
He also mentioned that there are times we should come together as a community to support one another and to help other people see in places where they might have a "blind spot." There are times when I rely so much on Sherry that I don't think I could ever get through an entire day without her.
His point was that we should rely on God, as well as one another to help get through each and every day. He explained that you need someone to "watch your back" in times of trouble and also in times of peace. We should all try to be sympathetic and loving towards our friends and our family, so that if someone needs us, we're already there!
You know that there is someone out there that you've been meaning to write, or call, or go see...and maybe you're busy, or you've been "meaning" to do it, but that begs the question...
Have you?
I'm just as guilty of this as anyone, and I'm not trying to preach...(I'll leave that to those who are smarter than I). But to borrow a slogan from NIKE... Just do it! We need friends...we need family...we need each other. You know God didn't make us to be alone...
Thank you, Pastor Fred (www.esbc.com is where you can listen to his sermon on this topic).
For making me think about my friends and my family...my community as it were...
I hope to hear from some of you soon...
David
Why I miss living in Strafford, Missouri
Don't get me wrong....I love living in Kansas City. There are so many things to see and do here and over the past 15.5 years we've made a lot of friends that I am so blessed to know. Still, every so often I get hit with this melancholy feeling of "what if?"
Not that I wish I'd never gotten married or had kids, but "what if I'd done that and stayed in Strafford?" Would I be happy? Yes, I think I would be...I was always pretty happy there, and for as many friends as we have up here, we probably had twice as many in the Strafford/Springfield area.
My biggest regret in moving away is that I've lost touch with so many people over the years. While I still hear from friends occasionally, it's just not the same as being there with them. I miss my friends and family sometimes.
I'm a gregarious guy... And so, when I was in High School and College, I didn't have just one best friend...I had about 10. (granted, one or two of them were my best, best friends) It wasn't unusual for 10 or 15 of us to go to Pizza Inn on Glenstone and spend a couple of hours just laughing and talking on a Friday or Saturday night. Sometimes we'd hit a movie or go to Putt Putt and play golf or ride the go-karts. Other times we'd go back to my house and play pool...Drink Dr. Pepper and eat Kool Ranch Doritos and little Debbie cakes...
My crowd included Sherry, Steve, Klauspeter, Klaus, Martin, Jeff, Marty, Deanne, Tim, Mark, Angel, Paula, Gayla, Shawn, Debbie, Dave, David, Dennis, Dan, Jeff, Jill, Jeff, Mark, Jennifer, Ross, Steve, Mark, Elaine...And people that I worked with at the video store and/or Frankos at North Town Mall... There were a bunch of us. Now, we didn't all run around at the same time, necessarily, but there were plenty of times that we'd all meet up somewhere and just hang out. (If I've left anyone out of the above list...My apologies....I'm older now, and it's late...So I'm forgetfull.) Many times people would bring other friends along, so who knew "who" would show up?
Strafford was a simpler time...A youthful time. Other than buying gas (at 67 cents a gallon!!!), I didn't have a lot of bills to pay, and I could spend money on Sherry, or go out and eat with friends a couple of nights each week.
Strafford meant peacefulness... Strafford meant safety... Strafford meant "the good old days..."
I love my life now, but how can you not get nostalgic over the time spent with friends so long ago...In Strafford.
Not that I wish I'd never gotten married or had kids, but "what if I'd done that and stayed in Strafford?" Would I be happy? Yes, I think I would be...I was always pretty happy there, and for as many friends as we have up here, we probably had twice as many in the Strafford/Springfield area.
My biggest regret in moving away is that I've lost touch with so many people over the years. While I still hear from friends occasionally, it's just not the same as being there with them. I miss my friends and family sometimes.
I'm a gregarious guy... And so, when I was in High School and College, I didn't have just one best friend...I had about 10. (granted, one or two of them were my best, best friends) It wasn't unusual for 10 or 15 of us to go to Pizza Inn on Glenstone and spend a couple of hours just laughing and talking on a Friday or Saturday night. Sometimes we'd hit a movie or go to Putt Putt and play golf or ride the go-karts. Other times we'd go back to my house and play pool...Drink Dr. Pepper and eat Kool Ranch Doritos and little Debbie cakes...
My crowd included Sherry, Steve, Klauspeter, Klaus, Martin, Jeff, Marty, Deanne, Tim, Mark, Angel, Paula, Gayla, Shawn, Debbie, Dave, David, Dennis, Dan, Jeff, Jill, Jeff, Mark, Jennifer, Ross, Steve, Mark, Elaine...And people that I worked with at the video store and/or Frankos at North Town Mall... There were a bunch of us. Now, we didn't all run around at the same time, necessarily, but there were plenty of times that we'd all meet up somewhere and just hang out. (If I've left anyone out of the above list...My apologies....I'm older now, and it's late...So I'm forgetfull.) Many times people would bring other friends along, so who knew "who" would show up?
Strafford was a simpler time...A youthful time. Other than buying gas (at 67 cents a gallon!!!), I didn't have a lot of bills to pay, and I could spend money on Sherry, or go out and eat with friends a couple of nights each week.
Strafford meant peacefulness... Strafford meant safety... Strafford meant "the good old days..."
I love my life now, but how can you not get nostalgic over the time spent with friends so long ago...In Strafford.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Reminder from the old blog....
New website to look at Movie Fans
By DavidCox
Hey guys, take a minute to check out my Buddy Heith's new web site:
www.movie-popcorn.com
It's a good site for movie reviews.... I give it two thumbs up!
David
By DavidCox
Hey guys, take a minute to check out my Buddy Heith's new web site:
www.movie-popcorn.com
It's a good site for movie reviews.... I give it two thumbs up!
David
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