Stoopid things I done did... I did done... Whatever

I know, you're thinking..."Dave did something stupid? How absurd? It's not possible! It's unthinkable! It's unimaginable!"

Yes, it's true...I have done dumb, dumb, dumb things. Many times...sometimes even in the same day! Stop your gasping, and get a grip, will you? It is true! And the following things are some stupid acts that I have perpetrated while on this planet.

1. Broke my fingers trying to fix my neighbor's car. How did I do this? I got my fingers caught in the fanbelt of my neighbor's car when she accidentally started it while I was attempting to get ice off of her fanbelt. Why was I trying to fix her car when I was 14 and new NOTHING about fixing cars? The better question is how the devil did she get ice INSIDE her ENGINE???

2. Cut my legs up a bit while tightrope walking on a barbed wire fence. I think the answer is evident already as to what happened there.

3. Went bike riding barefoot down one of the biggest hills in Strafford, Missouri. You know that didn't turn out well. I still have pictures of myself disguised as a giant scab. I had a scab on my forehead the size of a baseball; one on my chin, one on each hand and both knees, and one on each of my elbows...(where I still have the scars). Guess what? When you're going 40 MPH on a bike with no shoes on....there's only one way to stop...by landing on the pavement...

4. Sledded off of a cliff. This one was much more exciting, because blood on snow looks really gross! I was sledding with a friend down my neighbor's tall, winding driveway...he fell off, which propelled the sled forward and made me lose control. The tree slowed me down a bit, but that was after I had flown about 8 feet through the air. Then there was the 10 foot drop to the rocks below. Concussion and bloody nose followed, along with a very banged up knee.

5. Jumped off the roof into a shrub. Darn you Six-Million-Dollar-Man! You gave a 10 year old boy false hopes and expectations!!! I hope your bionic woman shorted-out, you twit!

Whew! That's a load off of my mind and my chest! To think that I had all of these dopey things on my conscience since I was a kid! I'm so glad I haven't done anything dumb since then.

David