Because Children are sensitive...

Hi Peoples,

Tonight was Jared's first baseball game of the season, and while they played "okay" a few mistakes were made. Because Children are sensitive, I've replaced the actual names of the Children with random words so that no one will be offended and no child will be singled out for their "achievements."

This evening our opposition was the nefarious New York "cottonballs" junior team. The began the first inning by outbatting, out running and out playing us in every way. It started when their first batter "stinky" hit a hard grounder to our pitcher, "sugar-pie," who proceeded to bobble the ball and drop it repeatedly before throwing it over the head of our first basemen "blare-ed." (don't think I mean Jared, cause I don't).

Anyway, the next batter "bubblebutt," smacks one out toward the shortstop, "blue eyes," who is more interested in getting the booger off of his finger then to actually put his glove on and catch something other than boogers! He finally picks up the ball, and throws it waaaaay past our first baseman, "scare-head." (again, clearly I am Not referring to Jared here.)

Then, this one kid, "creepy-boy," slams one right at two of our outfielders, "lemony" and "minty-fresh" who are talking about the dandelions behind second base as they blow dandelion bits all over God's green Earth! Meanwhile, the talented first baseman, "rare-ed," is left with nothing to do.

"Wormnose Weasel-ears" comes up to bat and knocks in three runners, one right after the other, despite the fabulous attempt by "snare-led" the firstbaseman, to a try and tag the runner out. We did have some good hits from "Curly," "Happy" and "vanilla scented candle," but it wasn't enough to overcome a 10 run lead. And please don't think that "barf-face's" triple made a difference in this game.... so what if he's the "Cottonballs" best player!

Even though the "cottonballs" are clearly marvelous children, I can only wish the very worst for them, as they made our catcher, "sherbet," cry... How dare they!

We'll meet again, evil "cottonballs," you haven't seen the last of us!

David

Get your freak on with Zane

Warning: The following blog contains iffy content that might offend, confuse, perplex, confound, or amuse you...

The other night at the bookstore I work at...(you know the one, its initials are B&N)... a young, African American couple approached me and the male of the duo asked "Can you show us where Zane's books are?"

Zane, for those of you not in-the-know, is a VERY popular black author whose "afro-centric urban erotica" is all the rage these days. Anyway, I told them that I'd show them where the books were, and led them to the end of the fiction section to where Zane has several titles, which are all about "hooking up" or "hitting it..." (which sounds more like an act of violence than an act of sex)

As I handed one of the books to the young lady, I mentioned the price of the book, how much it would cost if she had one of our membership cards, etc... They thanked me, then I thanked them and began to walk away... When the young man said "Don't think this book is for me, it's for this freaky a** b**** here," he said as he pointed to the girl. To which she rightfully replied "Shut up!" as she smacked him on the arm.

Now, maybe I'm not up on my terms of endearment these days, but I don't ever recall labeling my Wife a freaky a** b****. First of all, I've never even thought of calling a woman that, not even my wife in one of my angrier moments. (Granted, I did once refer to a woman blocking traffic with her PLYMOUTH as a "fat cow," which of course, Dustin at the age of three, went around repeating for MONTHS!!!)

Sherry and I jokingly called each other "Lover Muffin" for awhile when dating, because we wanted to come up with something silly to call each other, but I don't think freaky a** b**** ever came up in the discussion as to what we should name ourselves.

I don't know this young lady, but from her looks, she didn't seem to be a you-know-what, but then again, I've been married for nearly 17 years and I'm not sure I even know what that would look like...(nor do I want to). I'm guessing you can find a picture of one on the internet or in Maxim magazine or something, but if I did a google image search for that, I'd be afraid that I might find out exactly what a freaky a** b**** is, wears and does.... eeek!

I guess if Sher and I ever need to spice up our love life, I could start calling her that, but I really have too much respect for her, and I don't think it would be appropriate to call her that even in jest.

Have young people totally lost it? Manners, morals, etc.... Seem to be falling by the wayside at an alarming rate. My advice...Stay away from the freaky a** b****** of the world.... And if you're so inclined, you can always read about them in the newest book by Zane.

Dave

You think Daniel Powter has had a bad day?

I'm getting sick of that song... you know the one, "Bad Day" or whatever it's called...the Daniel Powter song that they play every time that someone gets canned on "American Idol." It's not enough that the song is saturating television, but its on the radio all of the time and they're even playing it in the bookstore where I work!

So let me tell you about my day... My shoulder and elbow are still killing me. Those of you who know me know that I've had three rotator cuff surgeries in the past 8 years, two of which were on my right shoulder. Last week I got cocky pitching to the J-man (my six year old boy), and since my last shoulder surgery 1.5 years ago, I finally realized I'd gotten my throwing arm back.
(I missed it, since it had been gone for about 10 years!!!)

So now that my accuracy is back and my speed is up, I've been doing a lot of pitching. A few weeks ago I even won a t-shirt for throwing a strike at a Dick's Sporting Goods Store. (Dustin got one too, as did Jared who then bested us by throwing a perfect strike at a hole the size of a softball, and in the process won $75.00 dollars worth of free stuff... it's great getting beat by a 6-year-old)

Anyway, I've been pitching soooooo well that I pulled a muscle in my shoulder and hyper-extended (that's strained for you uninformed) my elbow. Wheee.... so in addition to feeling kinda crappy about that, the steroids (not the illegal Barry Bonds ones) and the pain killers make me feel barfy and dizzy and sort of drunk-ish...(not that I would know about that!)

This weekend was fun, even though Sher has a weird eye infection and I have a goofy arm.
We went to Kansas to my Nephew's basketball tourney, which they won! Sher and the boys went with my Sister in Law and Nephew to World's of Fun... and then yesterday we went to see the Royals play...(see previous rant about people being unkind to the Royals...how dare they?)

Went to church and heard Pastor Fred give another fantastic sermon...(you can hear him at www.esbc.com ) He's always great, and he makes me think! Which is good! Thinking is good!
(repeat that!) Then we went to see our friend, Jeff, who is a policeman, and who rolled his car while chasing an armed robber on Saturday. He had minor cuts, which is a lot less than his car got out of the deal... I think his car is beyond repair. You'd have to see it to believe it. I'd say he's very fortunate, and I'm glad it wasn't worse...

So today it was back to work... I was drowsy... a lot! I'm hoping tomorrow is better since I'm working both jobs...oh, man! I'm working both jobs Wednesday too! I'm going to be tired...........
Guess I'd better get off here and get my beauty sleep. (From my looks I need about a month or two of sleep!)

Good night, sleep tight.... (I'm not really sure what that means, but whatever...)

Dave

Kansas City Royals...who says they stink?

Okay, so last weekend (not the one that just ended, but the one previous), Jack Harry, a local "Sports Guy" for the NBC station here in K.C. was going on and on about the death of the KC Royals and how the season was over...

It was all I could do to keep from climbing through the TV screen and smacking him one...(not that I would, cause that would not be very Christian of me...but I was thinkin' it real hard!)
Anyway, that was just one week after we had beat the Chi Sox twice!!! You've heard of them, right? The number one team in the American League? We beat them!

So then this weekend (yesterday and the day before) we somehow managed to beat the Indians...(wait, aren't they the number two team in the American League Central? How could that have happened?)

Well, Jack Harry and the rest of you doubters, shame on YOU! The Royals may not be out of the woods yet, but speaking as someone who was at the game yesterday...(in fantastic seats too, I might add...thanks, Gary!) They played everything as close to perfect as I've seen them play in years...and this was without Sweeney producing, and without Sanders and DeJesus on the field! Now, how is that possible, Jack Harry? The worst team in BASEBALL HISTORY just kicked the butts of two of the most formidable teams this season. Oh, must have been an accident...oops, I bet the Royals didn't even mean to win, did they?

Clam up Jack!...why don't you adopt a wait and see attitude before you start dissing my boys in blue? I can't wait to get back out there and see them play again! Until then, I'll just be here singing "Take me out to the ballgame...."

Dave

The Best shows on television 2006

Hi guys,

Haven't done any reviews in a LOOOOOONG time, but thought I'd do one of those "lists" that critics like to do every so often... here goes... best shows on TV 2006 (open to debate as long as you know I'm right!)

1. "LOST" (ABC) nowhere in the history of television will you find a cast as diverse, plots so complex and intrigue so palpable. "Lost" could very well be in the top ten television shows...EVER! Plus, it has one of the best casts on TV.

2. "The Office" (American Version) (NBC) when I first started watching it last year, I felt it was a pale imitation of the British version, however...somewhere along the way it began to pick up steam and now I am totally hooked on this goofy, insane show. It may even be better than "Seinfeld..."


3. "Scrubs" (NBC) year after year, this series seems to redefine what funny is. The cast is perfect, and the writing is totally whacked-out! I love all of the pop-culture references, and you will never find a better buddy team than Turk and J.D.! Plus it gets bonus points for having a character with my last name... You tell them, Dr. Cox!

4. "Boston Legal" (ABC) although you never can tell if it's going for the heart or the funny bone, this show has a lot going for it...namely... Candace Bergen, William Shatner, James Spader, Julie Bowen, Mark Valley, Betty White, Tom Selleck, Michael J. Fox, Adam Arkin...and on and on and on. (I could do without the writer's constantly reminding me what an "evil" President we have and how the war in Iraq is wrong... but mostly the dialogue is steller)

5. "SportsCenter"--- (ESPN) Okay, I know...it's a news show, but so what? I can keep up with the MLB scores, the NBA scores and still find out what Barry Bonds is up to... how can you beat that?

6. "American Idol" (FOX) not a great show on the level of "LOST," but still, you can't beat a good old fashioned singing competition...and this year, Taylor, Chris, Paris, Kathryn and Kelli
are all practically neck and neck. (My guess: Chris, but Taylor, Kathryn, Kelli or Paris would be just fine as well!)

7. "The West Wing" (NBC) another show that tends to show America at it's worst, however it has a "Boston Legal" type cast that can't be beat! Too many stars to name, but Jimmy Smits and Alan Alda are the frosting on the cake. Although they seem to be skimping on the Alda lately. (and I miss John Spencer, who was one of the best actors ever!)

8. "My name is Earl" (NBC) one of the funniest, tackiest shows I've ever seen on TV. Funny, funny, funny.... and I grew up knowing people kind of like this!

9. "Alias" (ABC) this show has had a rough couple of years, and yet it still manages to shock me. (Like when Vaughn confessed to Sydney that he wasn't really who she thought he was, only to be nearly killed in a car wreck 2 seconds later!!! WOW!) Jennifer Garner is a doll, and a heck of an actress too. Victor Garber is fantastic!!! Get this guy an Emmy!!! Ron Rifkin is smooth, polished and deadly... what more can you ask for?

10. "Three Wishes," (NBC) "Surface," (NBC) "Invasion" (ABC)... I seriously hope that "wishes" and "surface" come back next season... "wishes" is the only TV show I've ever cried during (not counting the "China Beach" finale) and it makes me a wreck every single episode...if it comes back YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT!!! "Surface" didn't grab me at first, but much like a lite version of "LOST," I got suckered into it's alien invasion premise...and somehow, the only episode I missed all season was the last one!!! Arggghhh! "Invasion" is one of those shows that I don't know where the heck it's going, but I'm along for the ride! Similar in tone to "Surface," this underwater alien show has taken a totally different route along the lines of world domination by aliens, not mutants created by man. (ala "Surface")

Great shows, one and all...watch them if you get a chance. Sometime soon, I'm going to do my top ten of all time!!! Be There!!!

Dave

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This is a test of the davecoxtalksalot system. Should this have been an actual generic rambling, you would have been otherwise notified...

I hope you find that this blog is better than the last... stick with me kids, it's going to be fun!

Dave