I'm dreaming of surviving Christmas...

Wow! I never thought I'd be this worn out already! The Christmas season hasn't even arrived and I'm already tired of it. I know, I feel like a Grinch too! I love Christmas!!! Honestly I do, but for some reason, be it lack of funds, ornery kids, difficult customers....I don't know...maybe a combo of all of them is what is driving me to the brink so early on!

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. This year the winter weather kicked in suddenly, which seems to have hit me harder than in year's past. The cold air goes right through me and makes my old knees (arthritic knees?) ache and makes my balding head way-too-cold. Sometimes it's bad enough to make my bionic shoulders hurt.

Then there are my favorite customers...the LOUD ONES! You know, they sound like George Costanza's Mom on crack and helium, while they attempt to corral three kids, and engage in a lengthy cell phone conversation while asking you for a book that they don't remember the title of or the author, but they know that the cover is blue.

Then due to the sheer number of people you're dealing with, you suddenly realize as you're walking down an empty aisle to avoid the full aisles, you notice that the reason that particular aisle is empty is because you're walking through a "FART CLOUD" that someone has carefully let loose in the vicinity. Shoving your nose into the crook of your elbow, you make your way to the end of the row where you end up face to face with several watery-eyed patrons, who were unlucky enough to also make the brave journey that you have completed. You scan the group hoping to catch sight of the one who might have ripped one and in doing so ripped the hole in the ozone layer just a bit bigger.

(This person usually has the remnants of a Taco Bell combo meal still on there face and is trying to avoid eye contact with you at all costs. You move on as to avoid being caught in another bout of noxious vapor)

Then there are the kids...the ones at work and the ones at home. The ones at work you can leave at work...MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! However, the ones at home are yours to keep. (at least until you're done making payments on them!) These are the ones who are so anxious for Christmas that they forget about the "be good for goodness sake" part of the contract and go straight for the, "Hey I love my Brother, but I really feel like punching him right now for no apparent reason."

These are the same kids that you love so much and yet wish the Prophecies of the movie "LOGAN'S RUN" might apply to. These are the kids that you threaten to spank, ground and cancel Christmas for...but hey, they're family...YOU'RE STUCK WITH THEM!
It's a good thing I'm broke this Christmas, cause I can blame part of the present downsizing on that and the other part on their crappy behavior.

And then there's my Wife, who I would lay down and die for, whose parents so thoughtlessly gave birth to her twelve days before Christmas. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? On the plus side, I usually just buy a bunch of stuff and then the night before I sort it out... Birthday/Christmas/Birthday/Christmas. I never remember what I gave her for which, but at least I get the job done! But that just makes it more expensive in the long run. PLUS, most of her family's birthdays are in December!
(Of course, most of my family's birthdays are in April...TAX TIME! Good thinking there too, huh?) My Wife's pretty good about the whole thing, and I do love her a lot, so I guess we'll work that part out eventually.

Tonight at work we had the giggly teens, the unruly teens, the loud teens, the giggly adults, the unruly adults and the loud adults. We also had the criminally uninformed, the slightly confused and the completely dippy. Those groups are available in both teen and adult and will be put on clearance after the holidays. (But would make more sense if we could clear them out entirely before the Holiday season which would do loads for our sanity!)

So, Christmas can be an uphill battle. But then I stop and I think of what it is that I like about Christmas...Jesus, Church, Friends and Family, Snow, Santa, Food, Smiles, Warm thoughts and even Warmer Fireplaces... and all of those memories. That erases all of the shopping stresses, the holiday messes and the second guesses of the "Getting ready for Christmas" part of Christmas.

So I'll try to cheer up. I'll pray and be thankful and I'll try to make a positive impact on those around me. If that doesn't work, I'm cancelling Christmas!

David