Michael Palin is a Genius

So I've been reading Michael Palin's diaries about how he and several talented British Lads (no, not the Beatles!) got together and formed "Monty Python." Between very sad and delicate entries about his Father's failing health, and his perceptions of art, good food and politics (not that those things go together at all!), I've found myself laughing out loud at the many funny and insightful Pythonian and Palinian turns of phrase. (Many of them far too naughty to reprint here...not that I could without benefit of Mister Palin or Mr. Python(s) permission to use them.)

Oh, okay here's one of them... During a game show sketch, one contestant is introduced as such:

Mr. _____ is a _________(whatever occupation you wish to insert),
and in his spare time he likes to strangle small animals, play golf and ______________(too tacky to even print in a family friendly blog, suffice to say I laughed till I had tears in my eyes...which is better than razor blades, but still, you catch my drift)

So tonight, (or is it morning? A quick look at my watch confirms that it is, in fact, morning...thank you, Watch!) I'm awake after spending most of my evening...

A. Nauseous
B. Gagging
C. Head Achy
D. Knee Hurty
E. (is there ever an option "E"? This is the FIRST TIME OFFERED...)
F. (ANOTHER FIRST! This one is for "All of the above, except for "E" which really
doesn't count for anything except for being a valuable time-killer, which makes
me, the writer, seem rather prolific in my journalistic endeavors, wouldn't you
say?)

So now I'm eating saltines and waiting for my stomach to stop feeling like Rosie O'Donnell is jumping on a water bed. (or as Dustin calls them in Rap-Speak "Krak-uhs")
(How cool is it to dis Rap and Rosie in the same sentence??? TWO POINTS!!!)

Anyway...I feel craptastic and bored and sleepy, while not feeling actually sleep-eeee, which poses a dilemma when the alarm goes off on me in the morning.
I think my alarm clock hates me anyway...all it does is criticize! It says "BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ" really loud, but what it's really saying is "Hey Fat Butt! Get out of bed! You should have been up ten minutes ago you stupid, lazy bum!"
(I hate alarm clocks!)

I also hate busy signals! Is there anything more rude than a busy signal? (Well, the answer is obviously "Yes," but since I'm talking about busy signals, let's stick to the subject, okay? Mr. ADHD? Geez!) Anyway, what a busy signal is really saying is "I'm too busy talking to someone more important than you to be bothered with your silly little call, so go away and come back later, mmmmkay?

The other thing that is really annoying is when your 8-year-old Son hacks your Myspace profile, your e-mail and other accounts, accidentally downloads a virus and wipes your entire profile from your computer! Yes, this actually happened to me!
And after re-setting everything, he emails Myspace to tell them I forgot my password (WHICH I HAD JUST CHANGED) and they email him my new password and he does the whole thing all over again!!! ARRRGHHH! Can you say "GROUNDED?" Good! I knew that you could!

So, anyway...what was I saying...??? Oh yeah, Michael Palin is a Genius...Read his book! You can visit his web site at www.palinstravels.co.uk/. It's all about his travels around the world since he "retired" from acting.

-Dave